Perfectionism

  You know what the most annoying thing ever is? Being a perfectionist without talent. People I know tell me that I should just stop comparing myself to others, but that's not the problem. I don't compare myself to people because they're not me. I don't want to be someone else; I just want to be the best me.
  
  Take speech and debate for an example. I know I have the capacity to do well. I've won exactly half of my LD rounds. If I had done just a tiny bit better in one freaking round, I would've gotten to Reg10nals from my first Lincoln-Douglas tournament ever. That's encouraging to everyone in my club, but not to me. I was so close, and to them, that's really good. But to me, it's discouraging. 

  A few months ago, I got over the worst time in my life. I've been a lot happier, less depressed and anxious, and I've decided to be myself. There is still, however, some residual pessimism. I use it to try to combat pain or disappointment, but even if I don't do well in something, I feel sad. 

  Mediocrity isn't okay. When I almost do well enough, it feels like I'll never get to be good enough. And what's the purpose of all that hard work and disappointment if I'm not getting better?
                                                                                                                                       
  Sorry for having such a long, rambly rant. If anyone actually reads this far, thank you. If anyone is struggling with disappointment or anxiety, you can know that you're not alone. Also, comment somewhere whether or not you're a perfectionist.

Take Me to Church

  I know that this song was written to be a mockery of religion (the artist's words about it are here), but I think that we as Christians have a valuable lesson which we can learn from it. Instead of it being a song about sex, we can listen to it as a song about obsession. When we love something too much, we tend to idolize it. As a professional fangirl, I start getting obsessed with certain things at certain times. That's OK, as long as I don't devote my entire life to it.

    We learn from the Bible that idolatry is wrong. This is the first commandment for a reason. God created us, and our purpose is to glorify and enjoy Him forever. Any sin, really, is idolatry. We want what we want more than what God has given or told us. Obsession is a good example of this. When our priorities are wrong, we love something that may be good, but not as good as God.    

  This song is an example of how much idolatry can hurt us. The singer has lost his place in society, his innocence, and basically all he is because of his unethical love for an immoral woman. Psalm 16:4 says "The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips." 

  I said before that I'm a fangirl. Part of this (at least for me) is roleplaying. I really love a character, so I try to get to know them and write their character into different situations. Recently, I watched the Fox crime drama Gracepoint. Once the show finished, I made a roleplay blog on tumblr for the main character, Emmett Carver. As I "got to know" Emmett, I decided that "Take Me to Church" would be his favorite song. Now that I think about it, it's easy to see why.

   Emmett is a very awkward character. He shrugs off physical affection, but he's still human; he still needs love. The words of the classic song, "It'll be forever or I won't fall in love," ring true for him. It takes a lot of trust for Emmett to fall in love, and when that trust is violated, he's left broken. Before the series started, he even ruined his reputation for the good of someone he loved.