Alone

DISCLAIMER

I never want to be one of those girls who writes about being sad in hopes of getting attention. I really don't. This is just a huge issue for me (and has been for the past few years) and it seems time to talk about it.

There are two types of loneliness that I experience. The first is feeling like you have no friends and the other is knowing you do, but not being able to be with them. 

I can't say either is worse, because they're basically the same feeling. At least for me, though, feeling like I don't have friends brings on a lot of other negative feelings like inadequacy and insignificance.

Last year was entirely the first type of loneliness, and though it's still a struggle for me, it is a lot less frequent. Now, the second kind is more common. I've taken the people who make me feel alone out of my life and found new friends, but I can't see or contact them (because I was too stupid to get their emails and whatever.) 

This time of year- after camp but before tournaments start- is always kind of depressing (and I'm not just saying that. I know as well as anyone what depression is). And this year, it's worse than normal. Neither of my brothers are home anymore; one's at college and the other moved out and got married. I especially miss Sam because we always do fun stuff together, and if he was here, he'd cheer me up.  

So basically, I'm lonely and miserable every day. I want to contact people, but I don't want to bother them. What should I do?