Perfectionism

  You know what the most annoying thing ever is? Being a perfectionist without talent. People I know tell me that I should just stop comparing myself to others, but that's not the problem. I don't compare myself to people because they're not me. I don't want to be someone else; I just want to be the best me.
  
  Take speech and debate for an example. I know I have the capacity to do well. I've won exactly half of my LD rounds. If I had done just a tiny bit better in one freaking round, I would've gotten to Reg10nals from my first Lincoln-Douglas tournament ever. That's encouraging to everyone in my club, but not to me. I was so close, and to them, that's really good. But to me, it's discouraging. 

  A few months ago, I got over the worst time in my life. I've been a lot happier, less depressed and anxious, and I've decided to be myself. There is still, however, some residual pessimism. I use it to try to combat pain or disappointment, but even if I don't do well in something, I feel sad. 

  Mediocrity isn't okay. When I almost do well enough, it feels like I'll never get to be good enough. And what's the purpose of all that hard work and disappointment if I'm not getting better?
                                                                                                                                       
  Sorry for having such a long, rambly rant. If anyone actually reads this far, thank you. If anyone is struggling with disappointment or anxiety, you can know that you're not alone. Also, comment somewhere whether or not you're a perfectionist.

Take Me to Church

  I know that this song was written to be a mockery of religion (the artist's words about it are here), but I think that we as Christians have a valuable lesson which we can learn from it. Instead of it being a song about sex, we can listen to it as a song about obsession. When we love something too much, we tend to idolize it. As a professional fangirl, I start getting obsessed with certain things at certain times. That's OK, as long as I don't devote my entire life to it.

    We learn from the Bible that idolatry is wrong. This is the first commandment for a reason. God created us, and our purpose is to glorify and enjoy Him forever. Any sin, really, is idolatry. We want what we want more than what God has given or told us. Obsession is a good example of this. When our priorities are wrong, we love something that may be good, but not as good as God.    

  This song is an example of how much idolatry can hurt us. The singer has lost his place in society, his innocence, and basically all he is because of his unethical love for an immoral woman. Psalm 16:4 says "The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips." 

  I said before that I'm a fangirl. Part of this (at least for me) is roleplaying. I really love a character, so I try to get to know them and write their character into different situations. Recently, I watched the Fox crime drama Gracepoint. Once the show finished, I made a roleplay blog on tumblr for the main character, Emmett Carver. As I "got to know" Emmett, I decided that "Take Me to Church" would be his favorite song. Now that I think about it, it's easy to see why.

   Emmett is a very awkward character. He shrugs off physical affection, but he's still human; he still needs love. The words of the classic song, "It'll be forever or I won't fall in love," ring true for him. It takes a lot of trust for Emmett to fall in love, and when that trust is violated, he's left broken. Before the series started, he even ruined his reputation for the good of someone he loved.

Percy Jackson

  I really love the original Percy Jackson series. I hated the first movie, and I'm still making up my mind on whether or not I like the Heroes of Olympus. I think I do, but the author adds a lot of extraneous information and some of his attempts at humor fail. I do like the ideas a lot, but they maybe could've been worked out better.

  I know you're gonna hate me, but I really love Nico. He's such a well-written character, and I feel like I can relate to him. People make choices that hurt my feelings. Sometimes I don't get to say goodbye to people I love. And there's never enough "emo" characters in popular books.

  I don't really like Jason for the same reason I hate Rose from Doctor Who. Rose is a generic nice girl, and Jason is a generic hero. Nothing in particular to love.

Some Random Thoughts

  We're all made in God's image. That's SOMETHING to love in everyone, and it manifests itself in different ways. Sometimes it's that one thing that keeps you from wringing that jerk's neck. Sometimes it's the one thing that makes you want to kiss the nice boy's face.Whatever it is, it's there.

  There's this nine-year-old boy at my church. He makes "kissy faces" at older girl and is mean to younger girls. But one time, he randomly said, "My mom is beautiful." And I melted. If there's someone you used to love, but with whom you've had a falling-out, remember what made you fall in love with him in the first place.

  Sorry for this randomness. XD

My Story

  So. . . I've been using a lot of school time (meaning all week besides Sunday) writing a story for fun. Now that I'm done, I'm sad :( I loved those characters A LOT and now I can't write about them.

  I'm going to write a Creepypasta fanfiction, but I like characters that I've made myself better. And this last one was awesome because it was more intense and for an older audience. I have a few stories that I've been meaning to write, but they're for kids. :( Well, that's life. . .

NJQ 2014

New Jersey Qualifier 2014 
  Last week, the New Jersey Qualifier made Region X history! It was the first tournament in our region with double octafinals and our first double loss. Thankfully, the debaters didn't get disqualified.

  I normally HATE host housing, but our hosts were awesome. They gave us food, were really nice, and the house was beautiful. I really didn't want to share an air mattress with my sister, so I decided to sleep on the Thomas the Tank Engine bed. It was really uncomfortable, so I slept on the floor the last two nights.

Photo credit to Johanna Florez

  My club did awesome. :) All of our TP clubs (except one) and our LD debater broke. Both of my siblings broke in speech, so I get to go to Regionals. :)

  One of my friends, Caleb, won Thematic! He hadn't broken in that speech at any of the other three tournaments he went to. (: During the awards ceremony, I was sitting with a bunch of people from club, at when we saw he was in top three, we were sitting on the edges of our seats.

Photo credit to Steve Min

  What I love about the awards picture is how diverse everyone's reactions are. The shortest one, Nina, is just so happy she got to finals, even though she got seventh. Paul (the Asian guy) and Robert (the tall one with dark hair) look kind of like, "We knew we'd do well." And you know, that's okay. They've been competing for years and they do really well. And Caleb is so shocked and happy because he didn't think he'd break at all. :)                            
 

Doctor Who

 
  My sister Johanna and I watch Doctor Who together. We're currently on the third series. Last Sunday, we watched Blink. It was the best episode so far, easy. I love Sally Sparrow and the non-linear timeline stuff. And then, of course: "Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey. . . STUFF."

  I was afraid I wouldn't like a Doctor-light episode, but it was amazing!! When the angel got right up in Laurence's face, I screamed. Haha.

  We met the Master a few episodes ago. It was really confusing, but really awesome how he showed up. We still have one more episode in that story line (from what my brother told me.) I can see why series 3 is his favorite with Ten.

  Sorry that this was a kind of lame post. But honestly, if you comment hate, I'll hurt you with me laser screwdriver. :)


Have an awesome day!!